


purple

by babyweis



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, cousins!kiwon, hyunghyuk are wonho's flatmates, it's pretty sad, painter!wonho, photographer!Kihyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 09:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyweis/pseuds/babyweis
Summary: Kihyun doesn't remain, but the tattoo on Hoseok's arm does, so maybe he could call that their happily-ever-after.





	purple

At the age of twenty-two, Hoseok drops out of university to focus on his art career. He rents a small studio with a two-room apartment on the second floor and works part-time jobs six days a week to pay for it.

His mother leaves desperate voice messages to tell him to stop messing around and come home so they can talk. Hoseok listens to them after work and deletes afterwards.

His sister calls him once a month to give updates on her relationship status. She also tells him to come home, just for a short visit some day. Hoseok tells her that he'll think about it. He never does.

Instead, he finds a completely new home. It's not the one on the second floor of his studio - he loses it after five months for paying his rent late three times in a row. He decides to take a break from painting and moves into a weary, but big apartment in the outskirts of Seoul.

He has two roommates who he hasn't met before, but it's not awkward at all, mainly because Minhyuk slaps his back violently on the first time they see each other and tells him how great it is to have a real artist in the house. Hoseok tries to tell him he's not a _real artist_ , but he's interrupted with Hyungwon appearing to the scene out of nowhere to shake his hand.

He gets an actual job in a nearby café, pays his own part of rent in time every month and stops listening to his mom's voice messages. On Fridays, Minhyuk insists on having a movie night, and the three of them squeeze themselves on the small leather couch with a bowl of chips or popcorn. If the weather is good, they sit on the balcony after the movie ends, with Minhyuk telling stories of his childhood and Hyungwon rolling a cigarette in between his fingers without actually smoking it. _"It's just a habit," he explains. "I quit a while ago."_

It's the best home Hoseok has ever had, even with Minhyuk's terribly loud morning alarm that goes off at five _even on the weekends,_ the dishwasher that breaks every two months and the shower that only gives out warm water after letting it run for five minutes. And even though they have their fights, mostly over Minhyuk's alarm, but sometimes also over Hoseok burning down their food and Hyungwon not cleaning after himself, somehow they become the ones Hoseok thinks about when someone asks him about his family.

His sister stops calling him after he's been living there for eight months, and he can't remember the last time his mom sent a voice message. And he doesn't really care, because he comes home from work at evenings to Minhyuk and Hyungwon cuddling on the couch and yelling at him to tell which one of them is right about another foolish topic.

He's more than fine with the life he's been living, and he definitely wasn't in need of someone messing it up, but apparently fate thought otherwise.

At the age of twenty-four, Hoseok meets Yoo Kihyun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"I'm going to smash the fucking doorbell," Hoseok grumbles as the irritating ringing blasts all the way to his room. He doesn't even have time to get up from his bed when the ringing switches to something hitting the door aggressively and a male voice yelling about something aggressively.

He kind of starts considering to just stay in bed or maybe call the police, until he catches Hyungwon's name in the middle of everything.

I'm gonna regret this, he thinks, but gets up from his bed nonethless and grabs the first shirt he can find from his closet before leaving the room.

"Hold up!" he yells, apparently loud enough for the person to hear, as the yelling and violent knocking stops afterwards. He makes his way towards the hall and pulls the tank-top over his head before opening the door.

He's met with fluffy, bright pink hair, and piercing eyes staring right back at him. Hoseok's eyes travel down just a little to see that the man is wearing very short shorts, but doesn't really get to think about it as there is a slightly choked but sharp voice directed at him.

"Are you Minhyuk?"

"Me?" Hoseok asks, feeling kind of dumb afterwards. He quickly clears his throat and speaks again. "No, I'm not. Why?"

The man frowns and soothes the hem of his shirt before answering. "I'm looking for Hyungwon. He lives here, right?"

Hoseok forces his gaze back up to the other's face from his pretty legs and nods, trying to force himself to act casual in front of the stranger. "Yeah, I'm his and Minhyuk's roommate. They went out about an hour ago," he explains.

"Oh." A long pause. "When are they coming back?"

"In a few hours, I guess," Hoseok answers with a shrug of his shoulders. He realizes after that he probably should ask if the other wants to come inside and wait for them, but he's not very sure if that's a good idea - not that he doubts the other, but he's aware that he hasn't gotten laid in ages (especially with Hyungwon mentioning it every two hours), and he gets sexually frustrated way too easily already even without a pretty man sitting in his apartment wearing white, tiny shorts.

"Oh," comes the answer again. The man fidgets with his fingers and looks like he wants to say something. His face turns into a small frown with a pouty lower lip and Hoseok just can't help himself.

"Do you want to come inside? You can wait for them there."

The man looks up at him and blinks, looking a little doubtful. "Is it okay with you?" he asks with a soft voice, and Hoseok has a hard time believing that this is the same man who was just aggressively yelling and hitting his door.

"Of course," he answers with a smile, stepping aside to make room for the man. The latter _beams_ at him and steps inside. "Thank you!"

_How does his mood change so quickly?_

"No need to thank... me," Hoseok says with a hoarse voice, somehow not able to function properly when the man leans down to undo his shoelaces. The shorts are exactly long enough not to reveal anything _inappropriate_ , but shaped perfectly to hug his curves. Hoseok feels like slapping himself - and maybe also the ass in front of him, but that he's not gonna admit even to himself.

He clears his throat again and forces himself to look away as he grabs the door handle and shuts the door. "So, uh, I'm Hoseok. You?"

"Kihyun," the man answers as he straightens his back and turns around to look at Hoseok. "I'm Hyungwon's cousin," he adds.

"Ah, I see," Hoseok chuckles and makes his way past the man - Kihyun -, nodding his head to tell him to follow him. He doesn't think he's really in the place to ask what was up with all the aggressive yelling and banging, and Kihyun seems to be in a good mood now anyway, so he tries to come up with something else to say.

"...do you want something to eat?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Turns out, Kihyun just moved to Seoul, and got lost in the neighbourhood for following a stray dog. He remembered Hyungwon's address from when he visited there a little over a year ago and it happened to be close to where he was wandering.

While listening to the story, Hoseok decides, despite the aggressive yelling from earlier, that Kihyun is the purest and cutest person he has ever met in the history of his existence.

Or almost, because he's also pretty sure that the man is teasing him on purpose by _innocently_ running his fingers up and down his own thighs, pouting his lips and fluttering his eyelashes.

"You know," Kihyun suddenly says, startling Hoseok and forcing him to stop staring at the other's hips and at his face instead - not that Hoseok is complaining, because Kihyun also has a very pretty face.

"You should try modeling," Kihyun continues, and then crawls over a pile of pillows in between them on the couch and leans closer to Hoseok, his hand coming up to trace his jawline. "You're very handsome. I'm a photographer, and your face is exactly what they've been liking on the industry nowadays."

Hoseok just stares right back at him, too dazed to say anything in return.

At the exactly same time the front door is slammed open, and after turning his head towards the hall, Hoseok meets Minhyuk's eyes. Hyungwon steps inside after his boyfriend and leaves the door half open as he spots the two on the couch.

"...Kihyun," he says, and the said man breaks into a dazzling smile before literally climbing over the couch's backrest and running into his cousin's arms. Hoseok blinks.

_Kihyun is very flexible._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"So, why was Hyungwon's cute cousin all over you when we got home?" Minhyuk asks later that night, when Hyungwon has safely taken Kihyun back home with Minhyuk's car. Hoseok scrunches up his nose and leans against the railing of the balcony. "I don't know."

"Oh, really?"

"Stop teasing him, Hyuk," Hyungwon scoffs and shoves his boyfriend's side with his elbow. "Here's the thing: Kihyun flirts with everyone. Unintentionally."

"How do you even flirt unintentionally?"

"It's his natural instinct or something. Hold on, did you call him cute earlier?"

There's a shriek and then the two men rush inside, leaving Hoseok standing alone in the windy night. He sighs and shakes his head, but is still unable to stop the smile from forming on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Kihyun starts hanging out a lot in their apartment, claiming that he just wants to get close with his cousin again but somehow still every time ending up talking with Hoseok and ignoring the said cousin completely.

During the first four weeks of it Hoseok learns a lot of things.

Like the fact that Kihyun adores animals, and that he also likes reading and watching movies. He really is a photographer, a really good one, and it perhaps shouldn't amaze Hoseok as much as it does, but somehow he ends up mesmerized when Kihyun brings his camera over and shows a few simple shots to him.

Kihyun was born in Ilsan, and he's the only child in his family. He and his mother lived in the same house with Hyungwon's family for the first seven years of his life, so they are practically brothers.

Kihyun dyes his hair a lot, but currently he's in love with the cotton candy color, and doesn't want to change it any time soon.

Hoseok also learns that Kihyun has lung cancer.

_"That's why I forced Hyungwon to quit smoking," Kihyun laughs, and he doesn't even sound sad._

He can't get any sleep that night, and at 3am, he gets up from his bed, switches the lights on and drags a box from under his bed to the middle of the room's floor. It's been months since he has touched a brush, but it seems to fit in his hand better than ever and he spends the entire night filling the canvas with colors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"Did you do that? All by yourself?" Kihyun kneels down in front of the painting in awe, eyes wide and mouth gaping.

"I did," Hoseok answers and sits down next to the other man.

"That's amazing," Kihyun says, voice barely above a whisper as he stares at the canvas in front of him. After a moment of silence he turns his head to look at Hoseok. "It... kind of looks like me," he says.

"Yeah," Hoseok answers, swallowing the lump in his throat. "It is you."

Kihyun forms an 'o' with his mouth and looks at the painting again. He doesn't ask why Hoseok has painted him out of all people, and Hoseok has a feeling it's because he already knows.

"I wish I knew how to paint," Kihyun sighs, leaning his head to rest on Hoseok's shoulder. Hoseok holds his breath and turns his head to look at him.

"Do you want me to teach you?"

There's a thrilled look on Kihyun's face, and twenty minutes later Hoseok is sitting on his chair with Kihyun seated on his lap - _because apparently it was absolutely necessary for both of them._ Kihyun's hand is trembling a little as he paints delicate lines of purple on the canvas, and Hoseok places his chin on the man's shoulder to look closer.

"You're doing great," he says, and Kihyun laughs.

"Just say it's trash, I won't get mad."

"It's not trash! It looks pretty."

"Don't speak nonsense," Kihyun says, turning his head to look at Hoseok. His breath ghosts against the latter's cheek. "Do you even know what it is?"

"A cat?" Hoseok suggests, bursting into laughter afterwards at the other's scandalized face. "I'm kidding! It's a flower, obviously."

"Really, you..." Kihyun huffs, smearing the purple paint on Hoseok's cheek with the brush. He then attempts running away, but Hoseok gets up right after and grabs him by the waist, almost throwing him over his shoulder as if he weighted nothing.

Kihyun shrieks in laughter, hands grasping the back of Hoseok's shirt as he tries not to fall off. Hoseok tries to ignore the warm feeling in his chest as he carries the man over to the bed and drops him there.

Kihyun rolls over to his back, his hair messy, chest rising along with his heavy breathing and shirt riding up his stomach. Hoseok is unable to stop himself from leaning down and kissing him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"This is the most idiotic thing you have ever done," Hyungwon grumbles, grabbing Hoseok's arm violently and staring at it. "You have seriously gone mad!"

"Hyungwon," Minhyuk tries from behind his boyfriend, but only gets an icy glare in response. Hoseok swallows and yanks his hand back.

"You're overreacting," he says.

"You have known Kihyun for, what, two god damn months! Do you think that just because you two have fucked a few times he's your soulmate and you'll be together forever?"

"Hyungwon," Minhyuk tries again. "It's just a tattoo. And you're not his father."

"But I'm his friend. And the tattoo will be there for the rest of his life."

"He's your cousin, Hyungwon. What's your problem with me dating him?" Hoseok asks. Hyungwon turns around to look him straight in the eyes.

"He's _dying_ , Hoseok," he says, and then turns around and leaves the room.

Hoseok clasps his hand on the purple outlines of a flower tattooed on his arm and whispers a weak _"I know"._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Kihyun yells at him, and then cries, and Hoseok doesn't know what to do because it's the first time Kihyun actually cries in front of him.

"You're so dumb," Kihyun sobs, and then presses himself against Hoseok and continues crying against his shoulder. Hoseok wraps his trembling arms around him and presses his face on the soft hair. He wants to say something, but he feels like he'll also start crying if he does, so he keeps quiet until Kihyun pulls away from him and violently wipes his tears away.

"Hoseok," Kihyun starts, voice soft and weak, and Hoseok feels like his heart is slowly being ripped out of his chest. "I shouldn't have- this shouldn't have ever happened," Kihyun whispers, and then quietly leaves the room.

It takes a few seconds for Hoseok to follow him, but during that short time he has already walked out of the entire apartment.

He stands in the middle of the hall and slowly turns around to look at Hyungwon and Minhyuk from across the room. Hyungwon shakes his head.

It's warm and sunny outside, but Hoseok has never felt colder.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Hoseok rips all of his paintings, throws all of his paints and brushes to the trash and then cries, lying on the floor of his room while digging his nails on the tattoo on his arm.

He tries to call Kihyun, countless of times, every day. He never answers or calls back.

He knows Hyungwon goes to Kihyun's apartment sometimes, and at first he begs for him to let him come along, or at least tell Kihyun to call him back, but gives up as Hyungwon just calls him a fool and leaves.

It would be the best if he forgets it, just like Minhyuk tells him one day. Because Kihyun has decided to stay out of his life, and Hoseok should also decide to stay out of his.

It's been two months when he finally starts to accept it.

It's been three months, when Hoseok is alone at home again while Hyungwon and Minhyuk are out on a date and the doorbell rings.

Kihyun is dressed into grey sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, a black beanie pulled on his head. His lips are chapped and there are dark circles under his eyes, and he avoids meeting Hoseok's gaze as they stand on the door, both run out of words to say.

Hoseok forces the heavy feeling back down his throat and opens the door a little more, stepping to the side while looking at Kihyun.

"Come inside," he says.

Kihyun does that, but doesn't go to remove his shoes. He crosses his arms and stares down at the floor, standing completely still. He looks so small, like a wounded animal, and Hoseok wants nothing but to hug him and tell him that it will be okay, but he doesn't.

"I want to apologize," Kihyun speaks up, and Hoseok has a hard time pushing back his tears as he listens. "Because I left like that. I know I should've done this earlier and let you go on with your life."

A pause. Kihyun turns around and takes a deep breath before finally looking at Hoseok. They way he does it is painful.

"I'm sorry," he continues, his voice sounding raspy and choked. He stops again, untangling his arms to press a hand to his face while dropping his gaze back to the floor. "I'm so sorry. God, Hoseok, I just don't want you to get hurt. I started liking you too much, and you started liking me too much, and I didn't think, I couldn't, I was so selfish."

If Hoseok had thought his heart had broken back then, three months ago, then now it actually _shatters_. He lets out a sob, and doesn't give Kihyun the chance to look at him again because he steps forward and pulls the younger man into his embrace. "Ki," he whispers, "You weren't selfish. I knew all the time, I knew everything, and I can make my own decisions. You aren't responsible for that."

Kihyun sobs against his shoulder.

"Don't you blame yourself for anything," Hoseok continues through gritted teeth, holding tighter onto Kihyun, so tight that there will probably be bruises forming onto his pale, sensitive skin. "Don't you dare to blame yourself. And fuck, Kihyun, don't you even _think_ that I'm going to let you go again."

"You have to," Kihyun says, so small and weak compared to Hoseok's aggressive and protective tone, and Hoseok decides that he will be standing by his side until the day it's not possible anymore. "Hoseok, _you have to_."

"No," Hoseok says, drawing in a deep breath before pulling back just a little, just so he's able to look at Kihyun. Kihyun's eyes are red, and the beanie on his head is crooked. Hoseok thinks he's beautiful.

"Listen," he says. "I won't be leaving your side no matter what. I will stay there, as a lover, or just as a friend if that's what you want, but I will stay with you."

"That won't be long," Kihyun says, his voice cracking, and Hoseok ignores the pang inside his chest.

"I know," he says.

Silence falls over them, until Kihyun leans in and returns back to Hoseok's embrace, his voice muffled by the older man's shoulder when he speaks.

"I want you there as a lover."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
And Hoseok stays by Kihyun's side as a lover, despite the fact that Hyungwon gets mad at him again, and even Minhyuk asks him if that's what he really wants. Hoseok tells him that yes, it is.

He bids goodbye to their apartment and Hyungwon and Minhyuk just a few weeks later and moves in with Kihyun. They buy a king-sized bed into the small flat and sleep with their bodies tangled with each other's every night, and slowly Kihyun also allows Hoseok to bathe with him and stops wearing the beanie when they are home together and instead starts wearing an actual, genuine smile.

They go grocery shopping together, and Kihyun cooks for the two of them almost every day. When he doesn't, they order take-out, because Kihyun would never let Hoseok to do anything more than boil water for tea in the kitchen.

Hoseok also goes to the doctor's appointments with Kihyun, and if Kihyun has to stay the night in the hospital, Hoseok seeks for a permission to stay there together with him. He makes sure Kihyun takes his medicine and that he eats properly, and he sits on the bathroom floor with Kihyun when the younger feels like throwing up.

Those days are starting to occur more often.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Kihyun has one week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"You are beautiful," Hoseok says, fingers intertwined with Kihyun's, looking him in the eyes. Kihyun smiles at him from behind the oxygen mask. His beanie is white instead of black.

There are three vases of flowers on the nightstand, the newest one brought in earlier today by Hyungwon and Minhyuk. The flowers are all different species, but they are all in the same, bright shade of pink.

"Are you sure you turned the power off the dishwasher before you left home?" Kihyun asks, and Hoseok laughs.

"I am, baby. I told you."

"Remember that time you told me that you had turned the power off but then we went home and you actually hadn't?"

Hoseok scoffs and gently squeezes Kihyun's hand. "I double-checked it this time!"

"Of course you did," Kihyun says with a roll of his eyes, but smiles again afterwards. Hoseok's heart flutters, and he brings Kihyun's hand up to his mouth to press a kiss to his knuckles. When he looks at Kihyun again, the younger is already staring back at him with a soft look in his eyes.

"I love you," Kihyun whispers, and Hoseok can barely hear it, the mask muffling the soft sound even more.

"I love you too, Ki," he answers, "more than anything."

And he means it, and from the look in Kihyun's eyes, he trusts that Kihyun knows that.

Kihyun turns his head to side and coughs, and Hoseok squeezes his hand again, a little firmer this time. The coughing fit doesn't last long, and Kihyun looks at him again, blinking his wet lashes rapidly.

"Can you lie down next to me?" he asks, and Hoseok smiles gently, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.

"Of course."

Kihyun returns the smile and moves a little to side of the narrow bed. Hoseok kicks his shoes off and carefully moves to lie on his side next to Kihyun, facing him. They barely fit there together, but it's still comfortable, and Hoseok can almost imagine that they are home.

Kihyun looks at him, and then lifts his hands to his own face, carefully removing the mask. Hoseok is about to protest, but then he whispers, " _just one kiss_ ", and he shuts his mouth, leaning closer to Kihyun to press their lips together instead.

It's their last kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Hoseok is turning thirty years old today.

He is wearing a suit, and there is a bouquet of flowers in his hand. After weeks of whining from Hyungwon and Minhyuk, he had decided to hold a birthday party with their circle of friends.

However, the party isn't starting in another two hours, and Hoseok is half-an-hour drive away from his apartment. He's walking down a familiar path, one he knows by heart, past the big church where he sees a big bunch of people in fancy clothes. A wedding.

Hoseok would fit in well with his black, new suit, but that's not what he's here for.

He stops behind the church, when the people celebrating are out of his sight, and fidgets the bouquet of pink and purple flowers in his hands before slowly sitting down and delicately placing them on the ground in front of him.

"Hey, baby," he says. There is no answer, and he carefully leans forward to place his hand on top of the firm stone, closing his eyes as a breeze of wind passes by.

"It's my birthday today," he continues. "I know you know that already, but I just wanted to celebrate it with you, again."

The stone is cold under his hand, and so is the wind that starts picking up its pace. The tips of his fingers are freezing.

"I hope you're not cold," he says, voice cracking at the end of the sentence.

There is still no answer, but it's not like he's expecting one.

He moves the bouquet closer to the stone and gets up from the ground, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walks away.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i actually wrote most of this like months ago, but finished and proof-read it today. this is also my first time publishing a fic with this pairing and monsta x in general, so i hope you enjoyed it.


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